If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
