Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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