I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
