do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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