I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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