I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
