I hate your face
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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