i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
