I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
