I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
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