Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
