i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You've changed since you got that strap on
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
