should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
