I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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