eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
