i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
