She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
