I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
