Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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