dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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