Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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