trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
