I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Randomize
