Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
