Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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