We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
