Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
