I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
