Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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