Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
