Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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