Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
