sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
