Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
