Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
