I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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