You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
