paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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