so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
