he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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