I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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