i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
