We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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