I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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