Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
