were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
