GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
