it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
