I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
