I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
