is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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