Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
