I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
